Essential Questions You Have to Ask Your Aging Parents
October 1, 2021

Think the birds and bees is the most awkward chat you'll ever have with Mom and Dad? Think again. Adulthood brings other uncomfortable conversations: wills, long-term care, and end-of-life issues. Here's how to these handle delicate subjects with care.


The Big Question: Do You Have a Will?

A will determines the future of not only money and property but also pets and even token mementos. When someone dies without a will, her estate is divided in probate court, where a judge decides who gets the assets. This can cost thousands of dollars and take months. Even if the deceased told a loved one her wishes before she died, a verbal statement won't hold up in court. The judge will base his ruling on laws and legal precedents of the state."


How to Bring It Up

"I don't want to upset you, but if something happened to you, I would want to know that your wishes were being honored. Do you have a will?"


While You're at It, Ask…

  • Have you consulted a reliable financial planner who can help anticipate your needs as you age?
  • Will you give me or another trusted person power of attorney over your financial affairs in case there's a time you can't handle them yourself?
  • Do you have an authorized user on your bank and investment accounts?
  • Do you need help handling some of your financial ponsibilities, like double-checking your credit-card statements and reviewing your bills?
  • Are you willing to have a joint checking account with me so I can help you pay bills if necessary?


On Their Living Situation…

The Big Question: Have You Thought About Long-Term-Care Insurance?

Most long-term assisted-living or nursing-home expenses are not covered by Medicare.. And long-term care, which includes anything from extended home assistance to a nursing home, is very costly.


How to Bring It Up

"I read about how much assisted living can cost, and I was stunned. I would want you to have the best care if it ever came to that. Have you looked into insurance?"

While You're at It, Ask…

  • Do you want to live in your house for as long as possible? Are there things we need to do to your house so it's safe and comfortable for you as you age? Can we make some of those changes now?
  • Are you willing to move into a smaller place that's easier to manage, like a condo? When?
  • Have either of you thought about whether you would want to stay in the house if you were alone?
  • Would you be willing to hire someone to help you at home if you can't do it on your own anymore?
  • Would you consider moving in with me or one of my siblings if we all agree that you need help with your personal care or aren't safe at home alone anymore? How do you feel about moving into an assisted-living facility?
  • Can I help you scout out quality assisted-living facilities and nursing homes now, so we know what's available and what you would prefer in case you need one in the future?


On Their Health…

The Big Question: Do You Have Advance Health-Care Directives?

Advance health-care directives can include a living will (which gives written instructions on the degree of life-sustaining measures that should be taken), a health proxy in Massachusetts by Statute (which appoints another party to make health-related decisions in the event that a person is unable to do so), and a HIPPA release (a document that allows another person access to someone's medical records, which is useful for insurance claims). It's difficult to make decisions in a crisis, and memories about conversations differ.


How to Bring It Up

"If you were ever on life support, I would be really torn up and not in the best frame of mind to make a decision. I know we talked about how you feel, but I think it would give both of us some relief if you put it in writing."


While You're at It, Ask…

  • Will you consider giving your doctor permission to talk to us in case we have questions about your medical treatment?
  • Can one of us accompany you to some doctor's appointments? We recognize your right to privacy, but maybe we can help keep track of everything your doctor says at your visit.
  • How do you feel about being kept alive with ventilators, feeding tubes, or other interventions? And under what circumstances would you want that? Do we all understand what these terms mean?
  • If you have advance-care planning documents, where do you keep them? Have you shared them with any family members, doctors, or clergy.
Contact us in Belmont, Massachusetts, at (617) 489-5919 for comprehensive estate planning from attorneys with experience.
By Dale Tamburro December 24, 2025
WAYS TO PROTECT YOUR HOUSE FROM MASSHALTH ESTATE RECOVERY In most instances, you can own a home and still get MassHealth coverage of your health or long-term care. While MassHealth has strict income and asset limits on eligibility, in most cases it doesn't count the home against those limits. On the other hand, as I often say, while they don't get you coming, they will get you going. If you sell the house either during your life or upon your death, MassHealth will seek to recover its costs of paying for your care. If you are living in your home and you or your spouse is receiving community benefits, there's no limit on the value of your home. Likewise, if you are receiving nursing home care and your spouse is living at home, you can keep it no matter its value. And even if you are single and in a nursing home, your house will not be counted against the MassHealth asset limit of $2,000 (for nursing home residents) as long as you (1) state an intent to return home and (2) your equity interest in the home has a value of less than $$1,071,000 (2024). While you can keep your home in most instances, MassHealth has the right to recover its costs of paying for your care through two methods. The first is by putting a lien on the house to secure repayment in the event you sell the house. The second, known as "estate recovery," is its right to repayment from your probate estate at your death. In most cases, your only substantial asset at death will be your home, since the rest of your savings will have to be spent down to qualify for MassHealth in the first place. With proper planning, both the lien and estate recovery can be avoided. In considering planning techniques, you will need to distinguish between advance planning and crisis planning. Advance planning involves taking steps well before any need for long-term care may occur. Crisis planning takes advantage of opportunities that may be available even after you have a need for long-term care. The four planning options described below all involve advance planning, each with its own pros and cons. In a future blog post, I will discuss crisis planning steps you may take to protect the home. Give it away. If you transfer your home to the ultimate beneficiary or beneficiaries of your estate, presumably your children, they will own it and it will not be subject to any claim by MassHealth. Be aware, however, that once you do so you will have a five-year wait for nursing home MassHealth due to its transfer penalty. An outright transfer also has the following drawbacks and risks: (a) You no longer own the house, so you will not be able to draw on its equity to pay your expenses without your children cooperating. (b) Likewise, you will not be able to sell the property and purchase another without your children's consent and cooperation. (c) Your children could decide that it's time for you to move from the house before you're ready. (d) Your children would face a higher tax on capital gain on the sale of the house both during your life due to the loss of the homeowner's $250,000 exclusion or after your death due to the loss of the so-called "step up" in basis upon your death. (e) The house could be subject to claim if one of your children were sued, went through a divorce, or passed away before you. Life estate. A life estate is a form of joint ownership where the life estate owner has the exclusive right to live in the property during his life and then at his death it passes automatically to the so-called remaindermen. Since it avoids probate, MassHealth has no claim for estate recovery after you pass away. Contrasting the life estate with the drawbacks of an outright transfer, (a and b) you would still need your children's cooperation to sell or mortgage the property during your life. If it were sold, the proceeds would be divided between you and your children based on tables that take into account life expectancy and current interest rates, the older you are, the smaller your share and the larger the share of the remaindermen. Your share would be subject to claim for reimbursement to MassHealth. (c) No one can kick you out of the house. (d) Your children would receive a step up in basis at your death, avoiding an unnecessary tax on capital gain after you pass away. If you sold the house during your life, you could use your $250,000 exclusion against your share of the proceeds but not to reduce the tax on the capital gains attributable to your children's share. (e) While the ownership interest of each of your children in the life estate could be subject to claim during your life, no creditor or ex-spouse could take possession. Your right to occupy the premises would continue. To learn more about life estates, click here and here. Irrevocable trust. A transfer of your home to an irrevocable trust for your benefit has certain advantages and disadvantages in comparison to an outright transfer or a life estate. Reviewing the same elements, (a) unlike the other two options, you would not need your children's cooperation to sell the house. (b) However, you probably would not be able to get a conventional mortgage or line of equity for a property in an irrevocable trust. (c) As with the life estate, you could stay in the house as long as you liked. (d) After your death, your children would get a step up in basis as with the life estate. It's not clear whether you would be able to use the $250,000 capital gains exclusion for a sale during your life. MassHealth has been attacking irrevocable trusts (more on this below), which has meant that we and other elder law attorneys are drafting them in ways that are more restrictive and thus no longer guarantee use of the capital gains exclusion. (e) The irrevocable trust protects your home from any claim or unfortunate circumstance happening to your children. The main drawback of an irrevocable trust over a life estate is that it cannot be reversed if you were to need care during the five years following its creation. While the creation of both a life estate and a trust create a five-year transfer penalty, if they're cooperative your children can convey back their interest in a life estate in case you needed MassHealth coverage during the subsequent five years and, as a result, undue the transfer penalty. This is not possible with an irrevocable trust. Advantages of the trust over the life estate include total protection of the proceeds of a sale during your life and protection for the home and for you in the event your children fall on hard times or disagree with you on how to manage the property. Long-term care insurance. If you are insurable and can afford to purchase long-term care insurance, doing so can have at least two highly beneficial results. First, you will be less likely to need MassHealth because of your insurance coverage and even if you do ultimately need to apply for benefits. Second, MassHealth has a unique regulation that exempts the home from estate recovery if the owner has remaining long-term care insurance benefits when she moves to a nursing home. In other words, this exemption applies if she hasn't used up all of her benefits on home health or assisted living care. Of course, the issues of insurability and affordability may rule long-term care insurance out as an option. As you can see, the pros and cons of these approaches are complex and it's difficult to predict in advance which will be the most beneficial for each client. However, each client's situation will include factors that argue for using one approach or another. An experienced elder law attorney can help you make this determination. 8 More Ways to Protect Your Home from MassHealth Estate Recovery: Part 2 The four steps I described all need to be taken at least five years before you apply for MassHealth. But what do you do if you can't wait five years, if you or a loved one already needs assistance or the writing is on the wall? First, don't panic. MassHealth may well have a claim against your house or your loved one's house, but it might not be as much as you fear, in large part because MassHealth pays less for care than facilities charge on the private market. For instance, let's assume your mother is in a nursing home that charges $12,000 a month privately. MassHealth may only pay $8,000 a month. In addition, your mother must contribute her income. If that is $3,000, than MassHealth's out-of-pocket cost will be $5,000 a month or $60,000 a year, which will also be its claim against the house. While this is a lot of money, it would take 10 years to completely use up the equity of a home with a market value of $600,000, much longer than almost anyone lives in a nursing home. MassHealth's claim for home care will almost certainly be less because its cost will be less. Second, in many cases you can either reduce or totally avoid this claim, even without advance planning. Here's how: Rent out the house. Rental income will help defray expenses for maintaining the house and the net income will have to be contributed to the cost of care. This reduces MassHealth's cost and it's claim against the house. In our example above, if you rented out your mother's house and earned $2,000 a month after expenses, this would reduce MassHealth's out-of-pocket costs from $5,000 to $3,000 a month, and its claim from $60,000 for a year of care to $36,000, substantially reducing estate recovery upon your mother's death. Transfer to a spouse. MassHealth's claim only applies to the estate of the person receiving benefits and there are no restrictions on transfers between spouses. So, if your mother is in a nursing home and your father is still living at home, it usually makes sense for your mother to transfer the house to your father. However, he also needs to sign a new will because it he dies before your mother, it won't help much if the house goes right back to her. Transfer to a caretaker child. If you or one of your siblings lived with your mother for at least two years before she moved to a nursing home and a doctor will attest that due to your assistance your mother was able to delay moving to the nursing home for two or more years, then you (or your sibling) can qualify for an exception to the usual five-year penalty for transferring the house. Your mother can deed it over to you (or your sibling) and since it won't be in her estate it won't be subject to claim when she dies. Be aware, however, that there may be adverse tax consequences to such a transfer, so before taking this step, consult with an experienced elder law attorney. Transfer to sibling with equity interest. While much less common than the caretaker child exception, MassHealth also exempts transfers to siblings who already have an equity interest in the home and who lived with the nursing home resident for at least a year before she moved to the nursing home. So, for instance, if your mother owned her home with her sister, and they lived together for at least a year before your mother moved to the nursing home, she could freely transfer the home to your aunt. Transfer to disabled child. If you or one of your siblings is disabled, as evidenced by receiving Supplemental Security Income or Social Security Disability Income, then your mother can transfer the house to your or to that sibling without penalty . Transfer to trust for disabled individual under age 65. In addition to being able to transfer the house to a disabled child, your mother can transfer it into trust exclusively for the benefit of anyone who is disabled and under the age of 65, whether or not that person is her child. This can include grandchildren and in-laws. Transfer to anyone, if not in a nursing home. The penalty for transferring assets only applies to MassHealth coverage of nursing home care, not to community benefits. If your mother or other loved one is receiving care at home, she can avoid MassHealth's claim by transferring the house to anyone. However, this might not be advisable given that (1) MassHealth's claim is likely to be smaller in this case than for nursing home care, (2) this could cause problems if your mother were to need to move to a nursing home within five years, and (3) there could be adverse tax consequences. Hardship waiver. If one or more of the people who inherit the house are low income and live i the house, they may qualify for a hardship waiver from MassHealth's estate recovery claim. Unfortunately, MassHealth's requirements to qualify for this waiver are extremely (inordinately, in my opinion) restrictive, so if you do qualify make sure that you follow the hardship waiver rules very carefully.  A number of these possible steps can cause difficulties, especially since some involve transfers to one child when the parent may want her estate to pass equally to all of her children. Others have tax implications that can undercut their benefit. As a result, we strongly recommend consulting a qualified elder law attorney before embarking on any of these strategies.
By Dale Tamburro December 24, 2025
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