Essential Questions You Have to Ask Your Aging Parents
October 1, 2021

Think the birds and bees is the most awkward chat you'll ever have with Mom and Dad? Think again. Adulthood brings other uncomfortable conversations: wills, long-term care, and end-of-life issues. Here's how to these handle delicate subjects with care.

The Big Question: Do You Have a Will?

A will determines the future of not only money and property but also pets and even token mementos. When someone dies without a will, her estate is divided in probate court, where a judge decides who gets the assets. This can cost thousands of dollars and take months. Even if the deceased told a loved one her wishes before she died, a verbal statement won't hold up in court. The judge will base his ruling on laws and legal precedents of the state."


How to Bring It Up

"I don't want to upset you, but if something happened to you, I would want to know that your wishes were being honored. Do you have a will?"


While You're at It, Ask…

  • Have you consulted a reliable financial planner who can help anticipate your needs as you age?
  • Will you give me or another trusted person power of attorney over your financial affairs in case there's a time you can't handle them yourself?
  • Do you have an authorized user on your bank and investment accounts?
  • Do you need help handling some of your financial ponsibilities, like double-checking your credit-card statements and reviewing your bills?
  • Are you willing to have a joint checking account with me so I can help you pay bills if necessary?


On Their Living Situation…

The Big Question: Have You Thought About Long-Term-Care Insurance?

Most long-term assisted-living or nursing-home expenses are not covered by Medicare.. And long-term care, which includes anything from extended home assistance to a nursing home, is very costly.


How to Bring It Up

"I read about how much assisted living can cost, and I was stunned. I would want you to have the best care if it ever came to that. Have you looked into insurance?"

While You're at It, Ask…

  • Do you want to live in your house for as long as possible? Are there things we need to do to your house so it's safe and comfortable for you as you age? Can we make some of those changes now?
  • Are you willing to move into a smaller place that's easier to manage, like a condo? When?
  • Have either of you thought about whether you would want to stay in the house if you were alone?
  • Would you be willing to hire someone to help you at home if you can't do it on your own anymore?
  • Would you consider moving in with me or one of my siblings if we all agree that you need help with your personal care or aren't safe at home alone anymore? How do you feel about moving into an assisted-living facility?
  • Can I help you scout out quality assisted-living facilities and nursing homes now, so we know what's available and what you would prefer in case you need one in the future?


On Their Health…

The Big Question: Do You Have Advance Health-Care Directives?

Advance health-care directives can include a living will (which gives written instructions on the degree of life-sustaining measures that should be taken), a health proxy in Massachusetts by Statute (which appoints another party to make health-related decisions in the event that a person is unable to do so), and a HIPPA release (a document that allows another person access to someone's medical records, which is useful for insurance claims). It's difficult to make decisions in a crisis, and memories about conversations differ.


How to Bring It Up

"If you were ever on life support, I would be really torn up and not in the best frame of mind to make a decision. I know we talked about how you feel, but I think it would give both of us some relief if you put it in writing."


While You're at It, Ask…

  • Will you consider giving your doctor permission to talk to us in case we have questions about your medical treatment?
  • Can one of us accompany you to some doctor's appointments? We recognize your right to privacy, but maybe we can help keep track of everything your doctor says at your visit.
  • How do you feel about being kept alive with ventilators, feeding tubes, or other interventions? And under what circumstances would you want that? Do we all understand what these terms mean?
  • If you have advance-care planning documents, where do you keep them? Have you shared them with any family members, doctors, or clergy.
Contact us in Belmont, Massachusetts, at (617) 489-5919 for comprehensive estate planning from attorneys with experience.

National Elder Law Month - May

By Dale Tamburro • May 2, 2025
1577 Spring Hill Road, Suite 310, Vienna, VA 22182 | 703-942-5711 | naela@naela.org | www.NAELA.org National Elder Law Month – May May is National Elder Law Month, a time designated by the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA) which I have been a member for over 25 years, to raise awareness about the legal, health, social, and financial issues faced by older adults and the resources available to support them. As a member of NAELA — the leading professional association dedicated to improving the quality of legal services provided to older adults and individuals with disabilities — I recognize the valuable public service that Law Office of Dale J. Tamburro provides to the residents of towns and cities that I provide seminar and workshops at. In light of our shared commitment to community support, I would like to invite you my seminars in May and June. These events are designed to educate the public on various topics related to elder law. In May we are focusing on Aging in Place, what to consider if you choose to stay home and alternatively if you decide to downsize what are the most important issues to be concerned with. National Elder Law Month is the perfect time for us to work together in raising awareness about these important issues and ensuring that older Americans, their families, and caregivers have access to the information they need. I would love the opportunity to discuss how we can partner on this initiative. Please let me know if you are interested or if you would like more details. I look forward to the possibility of working together to serve our community. Sincerely,  Dale J. Tamburro

Estate Planning for a Vacation Home

By Dale Tamburro • April 30, 2025
Owning a vacation home is a special privilege—but deciding what happens to it after you’re gone takes careful planning. Many parents hope to keep the home in the family, but doing so can be more complicated than expected. While meant to be fun and relaxing places to get away from everyday life, vacation houses can cause problems between siblings after their parents pass away. Some siblings may want to use the house, while others may need cash and want to sell. Disagreements can also arise over maintenance costs, taxes, and scheduling use of the home. One common option is to leave the property to your children in your will. However, if they inherit it equally as joint tenants or tenants in common and one sibling wants out, that sibling can force a sale if the others can’t afford to buy them out. Before deciding to pass the home on directly, consider holding a family meeting. Ask your children if they all want to keep the property and discuss logistics such as upkeep, taxes, and scheduling. Putting a written agreement in place, including a buyout plan, can help avoid future disputes. The buyout amount could be less than market value, and payments can be made over time; it's really completely up to the family. Other Options : Instead of giving the home outright, you could place it in a trust or a Limited Liability Company (LLC). LLCs are increasingly being used for vacations homes. Using an LLC allows parents to transfer interest in the LLC to their children while still retaining control. Parents can use the annual gift tax exclusion to slowly gift their children additional interest in the LLC each year. The LLC agreement can designate a property manager, provide instructions on maintenance costs and property taxes, and include buyout options. Property in an LLC is also protected from creditors.  Another option is a Qualified Personal Residence Trust (QPRT), which allows parents to live in the home for a set number of years, after which ownership transfers to the children. QPRTs can offer significant tax savings, but they are complex and must be set up carefully to be effective.